All The Feels

I never realized I numbed myself to everything over the years. It was never that I didn't care, but it was my protective tactic. 2020 has just been so...wow. My sister said something so profound to me. She said, "2020 is just a year of enlightenment." Wether you wanted to or not, 2020 woke yo ass up! My world has changed and I'm glad for it, but I needed to relearn how I handle traumas.

There was no room for me to suppress everything. If people weren't on the news dying from corona, they were eating bullets. Then I get on Twitter or Instagram to see kids in cages being gassed and women fighting for women...again. (#JusticeForBreonna&Vanessa) I'm signing petitions to free Palestine and donating to Yemenis. All while I leave from either side of my neighborhood and the streets are blocked by the food donation lines because Americans are starving during a pandemic. 

The world is on fire and I was running away down a dark tunnel, looking for some light. The moment I broke was when I heard Elijah McClain's last words. I cried for hours and it just felt so good. I wanted and needed to feel everything. I'm relieved to not be burned out; there's much to be done. Y'all take time to breathe, not just in and out but really breathe, meditate.

Thank y'all for allowing me space to grow. I love you.

"I can’t breathe. I have my ID right here... My name is Elijah McClain. That’s my house. I was just going home. I’m an introvert. I’m just different. That’s all. I’m so sorry. I have no gun. I don’t do that stuff. I don’t do any fighting. Why are you attacking me? I don’t even kill flies. I don’t eat meat. But I don’t judge people, I don’t judge people who do eat meat. Forgive me. All I was trying to do was become better... I will do it... I will do anything. Sacrifice my identity, I’ll do it. I'll do it. You all are phenomenal. You are beautiful and I love you. Try to forgive me. I’m a mood Gemini. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Ow, that really hurt. You are all very strong. Teamwork makes the dream work."